I don’t think I’m the right person to deliver these messages.

I’m not a particularly good person. I try to be good, but I fall short more often than not. It’s like my good friends Everlast and Santana once said,

“There’s a darkness living deep in my soul. It’s still got a purpose to serve.”

I am an energy vampire. I absorb the energy of the people who are closest to me. When I am surrounded by good and kind people, I become a kinder and more compassionate person. When I am surrounded by angry or depressed people, I become angrier and more depressed. I feed on the energy that people put out, and then amplify it and send it back out into the world.

So, for purely selfish reasons, I surround myself with people who are good, kind, compassionate, and loving people. These people have good energy, and absorbing it makes me feel good. Unfortunately, if I’m not careful, I can take too much, leaving them feeling sad, angry, or hurt, without even knowing why. I’ve hurt way too many people like this. I wish it doesn’t happen, but it does. I don’t know how to stop it, I can only try to be more careful with it.

Because of this, I feel like I am completely unqualified to have this blog, or to try and teach people how to live better lives or make the world a better place. I am the villain in my own story. I have said it before, and I’ll say it again: I. Am. Exterminis. Or he’s me. He is a part of me, anyway. He’s my Shadow, for my fellow Jungians.

So why do it? Why try to make the world a better place? Why care?

Well, for two reasons. 1., If I really am an energy vampire, then a better world equals happier people, which means better energy for me to feed off of, and 2., Because I want to live in a better world. I want to live in a world filled with kind, loving, compassionate people who are constantly helping others and lifting them up. I don’t want to live in this world we have now, filled with greed and fear. I want to see humanity rise to its best possible existence, not fall to its worst.

I believe this world is the greatest scientific experiment ever created. But whoever created it (god, goddess, aliens, some meth addict on 23rd street, whatever), set everything up, and then closed the lid on it and sat back to watch. For all I know, it’s just a bet between god and satan, to see what will happen when we’re left to our own devices. It’s a very “hands off” experiment. There are no miracles, no blessings, no curses…no interference at all. Your “thoughts and prayers” are nothing more than mental masturbation. They make you feel better, but they don’t do a damn thing for anyone else.

So, it’s up to us. Each and every one of us. We can rise up, and make this world a paradise, or we can continue to fall and watch the world burn. We make the choice every time we make a decision. With every choice, with every action, we are either creating heaven or hell. I may be the villain, but I want to live in heaven, so I make the conscious effort to be better, and to do better. Even villains want to live in paradise.

It’s selfish, really. And that’s the whole point.